National AV Vote Poster
General Election – Kettering 2010
Bus-Pass Elvis Party – Kettering Manifesto 2010
1) Fancy a moat around your house to keep out randy footballers? If elected our candidate will try and get planning regulations relaxed so blokes worried about their wives having affairs with John Terry can have a moat built around their house to keep him out? The moat would also provide a valuable habitat for endangered species like the Great-Crested Newt and the Water Vole.
2)Time for a change – Ban the Burpa, Save the Burka!! Ban the Burpa –Fed up sitting in pubs listening to people burping and farting? Landlords should bar these people unless they stop doing it or they clear off home and do it there!
Save the Burka – if elected our candidate will kindly ask Jordan to wear a Burka during photo shoots because he is fed up of seeing her face on the front page of the Daily Star every bleedin’ day.
3) Time for a change – Repaint the outside of Kettering Conservative Club, cos it’s a ruddy disgrace!
Our candidate (ex-painter and decorator) calls on the local Tory party to repaint the exterior of Kettering Conservative Club on Montagu St because it’s a ruddy disgrace with its peeling window frames and rotten sills and is spoiling the towns image.
Our candidate will be giving out free paint brushes to the Tory members on Montagu Street through out the campaign so they can make a start. Hopefully Lord Ashcroft will provide finance for the scaffolding, paint, filler and lots of sand paper. If the Tories form the next government and treat the country like this fine old building we will be in an even bigger mess than we are now.
4) Time for a change – Bono for Pope! If elected our candidate would like Bono be made Pope because he likes preaching to young people and he hasn’t “fiddled” with any of them (allegedly).
5) Time for a change – Fill in the potholes!!
6) Save the Bus-pass from being axed by Eton Dave if he becomes P.M.
7) No extension of the Smoking Ban to pub beer-gardens and pub doorways cos it will finish off the back street pubs.
8) Save Public Lavatories from extinction!
9) All Shook-up about Dog-muck everywhere? Bring back the Dog Licence!
10) Turn Public Schools into Pound Shops
Other Campaigns
